I bet when you read the title to this post you thought it was going to be about a man who was blatantly dangerous, with a wicked temper and is violent? Of course, a man like that is dangerous, but I am referring to a more dangerous man; the sweet Mr. Wonderful.
Mr. Wonderful comes in and sweeps you off your feet. He is fine; eye candy for you. His words are smooth and he has taken such an interest in you. He is charming. He is hard working, so fun, funny, confident, sexy, cares for the people in his life (you know this because he has told you) and he says he has fallen in love with you.
You can hardly believe it. You feel wonderful when you are with him. You feel beautiful, desired and validated. You open yourself up to him. You have given him your trust and your heart.
He doesn't want to be without you. You find yourself spending all of your free time together and when you aren't together you are constantly texting each other and calling each other. He has become number one in your life. You find yourself not minding when you change your plans to be with him. You even begin to stop seeing your friends and family to be with him. You begin to stop doing the things that you once enjoyed, this is your sacrifice to your relationship and you do it willingly.
Suddenly you become a different person. You are no longer you and the people who know you do not even recognize you anymore. You may even feel a sting of offense when your friends suggest that something is not quite right here. You wish your friends could see how wonderful he is, but they haven't been able to meet him, because he has such plans for you, there is never an opportune time for them to meet him.
As your relationship progresses, your communications with your friends and family become almost non-existent. You do miss them and when you voice this to Mr Wonderful he says that "They should understand that you are in a relationship now." What he says does make sense, a little, but still...
You begin to see red flags, but you quickly dismiss them, because you hold onto the way he made you feel. You don't seem to see that what you thought you had is no longer there. You dismiss the warning signs. After all, he is just busy, he is tired, he fell asleep early and didn't hear the phone ring, he can't go out with you because he has things to do...
You begin to feel insecure in the relationship. You don't want to believe the worse, but still you can't shake the foreboding. You ask him if everything is OK, he is quite offended that you just don't understand him. You try to talk, but he talks louder and seems to have more to say. You look at him and you do not see the man that you thought he was. He is a stranger to you now.
But, the sex is great. Oh, the way he holds you makes you feel so good. He looks at you and tells you he loves you and you believe him, because you want to. After a while, the sex is not even that good anymore. What you once thought was making love is now leaving you feel empty.
You have reached the point where you are no longer thinking clearly. You are ashamed because you thought you were better than this. Your thoughts have become obsessed, because rather than face reality, you cling to the fantasy of who you wanted him to be.
You wish you were stronger so that you could walk away, you wish things could go back to the way they were. You question where you went wrong, but you know deep inside the problem with him is not you.
My dear, sweet, sister, does this sound familiar?
Are you in a relationship like this now? Are you just coming out of a relationship like this? Are you still wounded from Mr Wonderful? Are you still holding onto something that you know you should let go of?
Mr. Wonderful is a dangerous man. He is poison to you. Let him go!
I know this easier said than done. Trust me, my sister, I know the feelings of a broken heart. But, it can be done, you can walk away, you can heal and the pieces of your heart can be put back together. The journey to healing may be painful, but in the end it will be worth it. You are worth it.
There are steps you must take to this healing and I encourage you to determine in your heart that you will do this. I also encourage you to surround yourself with people who care about you to help you through this. Friends that you can turn to when you have those moments of weakness that will not judge you, but will love you through the storm of emotions.
First things first:
- Throw away all of the reminders. Go through your house and collect all of his things, every love note, picture, card, gift, clothes, everything and throw it in a box and then throw it away. You must rid yourself of everything that will remind you of him in the future.
- Delete all of his text and emails. Delete his phone number. Block his number so that he can not contact you, EVER.
- Tell your friends that it is over and you do not want them to ever mention his name
- Do NOT, and I repeat, do NOT contact him. You, for sure, will have moments that you want to hear his voice, because at first he is still on that imaginary pedestal, RESIST the temptation. You do not need to contact him to tell him you will no longer be contacting him, trust me, he will figure it out. You do not need to tell him to never contact you again, because you have already blocked him.
Next:
- Surround yourself with people who care about you
- Do the things that you once enjoyed
- Begin a new hobby
- Get outside!
Don't:
- Numb your pain with alcohol or drugs or any other unhealthy behavior
- Watch "chic flicks"
- Listen to mainstream love songs
- Date. Give yourself time to heal
- Dwell on thoughts of him
Do:
- Get rest
- Eat healthy
- Exercise, it releases the endorphins that will help you to feel better
- Develop back up thoughts to think about when he enters your mind
- Remind yourself that you are worth so much more
You will get through this. Trust me. Do not try to go it alone.
MOST IMPORTANT:
Turn to Jesus, my friend. He cares for you. He understands. Do not be afraid to take this to Him. Beloved, Mr Wonderful was not the only one to blame, you also partook of things that as a daughter of a King you should not have. Sexual relations with this man has caused a soul tie and it must be broken. How do we break a soul tie? First, we have to admit that there is one.
I know our culture is OK with sex outside of marriage. This way of thinking, sadly, is even in the church. We rationalize that when two people love each other and are committed to each other and are in an exclusive relationship, then "making love" is OK. Beloved, there is a reason why this is not OK in the sight of the Lord. It is for our protection.
No matter how we sugar coat it, sex outside of marriage is fornication and fornicators do not inherit eternal life.
If you have had sex with this man, go to God, who is faithful and just to forgive us and confess it as sin. Then leave it there. Beloved, He wants your healing more than you do. He alone is the one who can heal you and His healing is complete. There is no wholeness without the healing of our Savior.
Spend time in His presence.
Isn't it odd that when we meet someone and fall in love that we find it so easy to spend all of our time with him? When we aren't with him physically, then we are with him emotionally and in our thoughts. Should we offer anything less to the One who loves us most? If we claim to love Jesus, then we must surrender our hearts and our bodies to Him. His love never fails.
Psalm 91 says "He (she) that dwells in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress; my God; in Him will I trust."
I am not suggesting that this will be easy. But I am saying, that when you have come through this, you will be stronger; if your strength is in Jesus.
Do not look at your experience with Mr. Wonderful as a waste. Though it would have been better if you had not had to go through that, but you did. So look at it as a learning experience and you are better for it.
Prayer: Jesus, thank you for your unfailing love and your help in our time of need. Thank you for your healing and your forgiveness. I consecrate myself to you and I ask that you search those secret places in me and shine your light of truth. Heal me and create in me a new heart and renew my spirit. Shield me from the enemy. Thank you, Jesus, for all that you have done and all that you continue to do. I trust you to heal me.
My lover is so jealous for me. He wants to be number one! He wants to come before everyone and everything. His passion and compassion is beyond measure! He cares for all of my cares. He takes such good care of me and my daughters. He is an excellent provider. When I cry, He holds me. When I laugh, He laughs with me. He sings over me and dances around me. I trust Him completely. He never says no out of selfishness, He says no or not now because He wants me to have His best. When He says yes, no one can stop it. When others bless me, He blesses them. When an enemy tries to come close, he stops them in their tracks.
When I am lonely and say "when", He says be still. When my mind is tempted to "go there" He reminds me to sing instead. When my pillows are wet from tears, he wakes me with a new song and a new day. When everyone else says that is impossible, he reminds that with Him all things are possible. When someone feels so inclined to remind me why I am not qualified, He reminds me why I am.
When you have encountered this kind of love, this kind of lover of your soul, you can never turn back. You can never settle for anything or anyone who is less than what His best is for you.
Be blessed and meditate on His great love for you as you listen to this. He is my lover, He is your lover, His love is big. His arms stretched wide enough to embrace all of us and yet, somehow, we can all feel like His favorite.
http://youtu.be/JoC1ec-lYps
Sometimes going through life changes can be scary. When we enter different seasons of our lives, it is symbolic that the current season is about to end. I wonder how often we hold onto things we should let go of because we are familiar with it. It is the known. Should we hold onto something that is no longer positively serving us just because we are afraid of what we do not know.
I have been blessed to be a dreamer. Yes, I said blessed. My mother calls me her gypsy daughter; always moving onto the next thing. It is sometimes hard for people to fully understand a dreamer. Truth be told, I don't think a dreamer even understands themselves. Speaking for just myself, I have always believed that I was created for a purpose. I also submit that we are all created for a purpose. With each move and change, it takes me closer to what I was created for.
Now I am not saying that I have not made any detours or gotten off that path. Yes, I have made some foolish mistakes. I can't even say they were all mistakes, some bad decisions I made knowing full well that is was a bad decision and not Gods best for me. Yet, I did. But the great news is that God is merciful and forgiving and even in those moments, God can turn it all around.
When God has a plan, nothing will stop it.
Through my trials and set backs I have grown. If I had not experienced what I experienced I would not be here today. From my position, I am able to realize a great need for others in my position.
Imagine this...
You are going through a dark corridor. There is a burning fire behind you, the air is filled with smoke, you can not see and it is hard to even breath. You feel the walls pressing in from all around you. You can hear the cries of the people behind you. Yet, ahead you hear a voice saying "keep walking, keep walking straight ahead, here take my hand and I will lead you out of here." The voice you hear is calm amidst all of the chaos behind you. What will you do? Close your eyes and imagine this for a minute. remember, you can see nothing, it is dark. You can feel that panic wanting to rise up in your belly. People behind you are screaming, crying. You don't know which way is left or right. Yet, there is this calm voice saying here take my hand.
I don't think it is rocket science to know to take that hand and trust that hand to lead you to safety. Yet many of us are stuck in that chaotic circle, afraid to take that hand because you are not sure where that person will lead you. Yea, sure the fire is behind you and yes, it is a little difficult to breathe, but you are thinking maybe you can find your own way out. Let me be that bright warning sign to you. you know the one flashing that says "do not take this door that you have taken before because it is going to lead you right back here."
My friend, do not be afraid of change. Change is not always easy, but it is necessary for growth.
Have you heard the saying God helps those who help themselves? That is not true and it certainly is not Biblical. The truth is, you can not help yourself. You are in the need of a Savior. Only those who walk by faith will reach the promise land.
What are you going through right now? Is it a failed relationship? Loss of a job? Death of a dream? Financial instability? Empty nest? Loneliness? Whatever it is, I encourage you to take he hand of that still calm voice. You know the voice, the voice of the Spirit. Let go of what you are holding onto. You can not step into the future if you keep one foot in the past. You can not grasp the fullness of what you were created for if you hold onto your own man made vision. A God given vision will come to pass. I promise you. He promises you. The good work that is started in you, He is faithful to see it through.
Let go and walk in obedience and faith. Take His hand and He will lead you through. Even if you have to crawl for awhile, He will lead you through. When you have come through you can reach your hand back and take the hand of another and lead them through.
Romans 8: 18 says "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."
Do not be afraid. Before you is a door. I will paraphrase revelation 3:7, 'He opens doors that no one can shut, and He shuts doors that no one can open.' When the Spirit of the Lord say now is the time, step forward boldly, because even if you can't see it with your natural eye at this present time, have faith you will come forth as gold, refined by fire.
Let your light continue to shine.
Assignment: Write down your vision, your dream. You know the one, the one God gave you. You may have put it away, it is time to take it off the shelf and dust it off.
Prayer & Meditation: Dear Jesus, what I took from Your hand, I place back into Your hands. Thank You for the vision and calling You have given to me. Because You have given this to me, I trust that You will bring it to fruition. Strengthen me, holy Spirit, guide me in all of my ways. I choose not to look to the left, or to the right, but to You, my Redeemer.
A dear friend of mine asked me what she can do to help this loneliness she is experiencing. She said she is feeling depressed, blue, down. These feeling are no stranger to me. We all experience these feelings at some point in our lives. None of us are immune to the dark times. Even David, a man after Gods own heart experienced this. But, even though we may know that we are not the only ones to experience such feelings, it doesn't help us to feel any less alone when we are going through it; does it.
I once read that to spend the first 15 minutes of the day in sunlight is a great natural way to fight the blues. Perhaps that is why I feel so good when I am outside? Enjoying the fresh air, scenery, sunshine, sounds of birds (unless you live in a city). Sometimes when we are fighting this depression that tries to engulf us, it may take every muscle in our body to get up and get out. My friend, if I may borrow this phrase, just do it!
Some things are easier said than done and everyone is a expert on advice when they are not in what you are in. So my friend, I want to direct you to the real expert. I want to introduce you to someone who can not only understand your pain, because He has also experienced it, but He can heal your pain. That is what you truly want, right?
The real battle really is waged in our minds. Who said what a man thinks, so he is? The thoughts that we allow ourselves to entertain will become what we believe. Sure, we can say all we want that everything is OK and we are alright, but the truth is... everything is not OK, and we are not always alright. That is why we have someone we can turn to in our times of weakness.
If we try to fight the battle of the mind with our own will, our own strength, our own intellect and our own words, we will lose. We may gain a little ground here and there, but in the end, we will lose the ground we gain. How do I know that? Because I know that only Gods word is sharper than any two edged sword. Only His words can cut through the lies, the deception and false hope and bring truth, light, healing and real hope. His words are life.
Dear one, to know His words, you must submerge yourself in His words. Meditate on them day and night. Trust me, well...trust Him, when you need a word, that word that will send the weight of that heavy cloud to flight, the Holy Spirit will bring it to your remembrance. However, you have got to give Him something to work with. I suggest you invest in a good study Bible. Personally , my favorite Bible is the NKJ Life Application Bible. Look through different translations and see which one you can relate to. Then make this Bible your life manual. Get yourself a pen and a high lighter and mark it up!
I also recommend starting with the book of John if this is your first time reading the Bible. The psalms are filled with encouragement if you are feeling blue. Are you seeking wisdom? Read a Proverb.
Hear me on this, you may not always get something (that you are aware of) every time you read, but when you need that special power word the Holy Spirit will bring it to you.
Let me give you an example of what I mean.
I was going through a stressful time. One night I awoke to the sound of "Romans 8:28" I grabbed my Bible and what did it say? "For I know that all tings work together for the good to those who love Christ and are called according to His purpose". I love Christ. I am called according to His purpose. Therefor, this applies to me. No matter what, I was not to fear and not be overcome with stress, because this was going to work out for my good. And you know what? It did!
You see, when we try to fix things on our own, we just make it worse. Any relief we gain on our own is only temporal. Beloved, trust God. trust the One who gave His Son for you. Trust the One who died and rose again for you. Trust the One who will speak to you. He is the only One who can bring everlasting healing.
Meditate on this truth...
You are beautiful! You were fearfully and wonderfully made. He knows every hair on your head. Every pain, hurt, dream, and tear. You matter to Him! He knew you while you were yet in your mothers womb. You are highly favored. You are a daughter of a King (if you have accepted His Son) and you are a royal priesthood. You are not a beggar! A Kings child does not beg. A kings daughter does not wallow in the mud. She holds her head up. Even in her own pain, she reaches out to others in kindness and humility.
If you have not already, please surround yourself with other strong Christians. You need to be around people who love God and who hear Him. Get yourself connected into a church.
Also, everyone needs a mentor. Mentors sent by God can help take you to the next level. But, everyone must also be a mentor. So, find yourself a strong and mature mentor and then find yourself someone to mentor. Share the love and wisdom of God. We are all one family. One body. We are all important. Find your place and get connected. The body needs you. The world needs you. And when I say you, I mean the Christ in you.
Are you smiling now, my friend? Do you now see that you do not need to feel blue? That you are loved and someone cares and loves you.
You are beautiful!!!
Assignment: Find a church and a mentor. Get connected. Do it this week. If you don't know where to go, ask someone. If you need help finding a church in your area, you can leave a comment and your city and state and I will help you.
Prayer & Meditation: Thank you, Jesus, that Your love is greater than any depression, any sorrow. Holy Spirit, please help me to remember how much God loves me. Direct my path to a spirit filled church. When I read your word, light it up so that it shines into my spirit and then bring it back to my remembrance when I need it. In all things, I give thanks to You.
