It is too easy to think about our own pain. We can get lost in it if we allow ourselves.
All of the hurts and wrongs, we harbor deep inside. We fake smiles and spiritual talk.
We say we believe, but do we? What do we believe? Do we believe that He cares? Do we believe that He sees?
Do we trust? Can we just let go of it and give it to God? I mean, really give it to Him? Not take it back?
What is the cry of our hearts? He knows! He has made provision. He has made a way where there doesn't seem to be a way.
My sister, do not let the cares of this world steal your focus. Remain focused on Him, because He cares for you.
He holds the universe in His hands He holds everyone on earth in His hands He holds you and He knows you and He loves you He has set you free He is all you need Let Him show you what true freedom is
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that gives all men liberally and it shall be given him. But, let him ask in faith; not wavering. For he that waivers is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not a man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. - James 1:5-8
But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. - James 1:14
You have heard the saying "be careful what you ask for because you just might get it."
My question is, what are we really asking for? We tend to go after what we want, even if we know it is not good for us.
James warns us that if we are drawn away by our own lust, then we will be enticed. Entertain a thought long enough and it will become an action. What are your thoughts?
Let's take inventory of our thoughts...
We know that God does not tempt us. He can not tempt us, there is no evil in Him. He tells us to resist the devil and he will flee from us. To resist the devil, you must recognize that if the temptation does not come from God, it has to be coming from somewhere; our flesh and the devil.
We must not be double minded. We should not believe we will have what we ask if we are double minded. Do we pray, 'Lord deliver me from that chocolate,' yet, we keep staring at that chocolate cake? Are we really resisting that chocolate cake if we do not remove it from our sight? Of course not! Keep your focus on that cake and you will eat it.
Personally, I think that if we pray while focusing on something else, what we are really asking for is a loop hole. We are asking God to make an exception for us. But, that is another post.
Let's now apply this to relationships...
Are you in, or fresh out of, a relationship that you know is/was not good for you? Not only is/was it not good for you emotionally, but it is hindering you from walking in your calling.
We compromise, reason, rationalize and deny; to make what is wrong, right.
Sister, we have all been there.
I remember praying that God would break all ties with a certain man and the whole time I would stare at the phone trying to will him to call me. I would replay every word, action and memory of him in my mind. I was a miserable mess. You see, the reality is, I wasn't really asking God to deliver me, I was making excuses and asking God to go against His plan for my life and make an exception just this once. Thank God for His mercy and grace.
Could God deliver me from that bondage I allowed myself to be in? Yes! Did He? Yes! But I had to first set my resolve that I would not be double minded and if I truly wanted God to answer me and give me what I want (deliverance) then I had to adjust my sight.
I had to break connections (resist) and not waiver (faith) and the receive (His peace) and walk it out (see post Mr. Dangerous).
You see, sometimes when we know better, our prayers just become empty words; noise. We have no faith in our expression. We ask and we don't receive, because what we ask for is not God's will for us.
God wills for us to be free. Not to be slaves to our emotions or entangled with unholy relationships.
As a mother, I delight in giving my children good gifts. But, there are some things they ask for that I would not give them because it would harm them, or they aren't ready for it, yet. How much greater is our Father God as a parent than we are? Much greater!
The challenge today is to take inventory of our thoughts and motives.
Rather than cling to a dead man (wrong relationships) cling to life!
He is the healer and comforter. Let Him be your soothing balm, in Him you will find strength. Let go of what keeps you in emotional bondage. I am not saying it will be easy, but it is possible.
You have been created with a purpose. Submit yourself to Jesus and watch His marvelous works unfold before you.
And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, we will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel; only let us be called by your name, to take away our reproach. - Isaiah 4:1
...if you will not believe, surely you shall not be established. - Isaiah 7:9
This is for the women of God, called by the Spirit, but living in the flesh. To reveal the battle of the spirit and the carnal.
Do you not know that you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people, that you show forth the praises of Him who has called you out of the darkness into His marvelous light? (1 Peter 2:9)
In time past we were not a people, but are now the people of God; which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy. Beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul. (1 Peter 2: 10-11)
Present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. Don't be conformed to this world; but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Romans 12:1-2)
Don't love the world, neither the things that are in this world. If any man (woman) love the world, the love of the Father is not in him (her). For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. The world will pass away and of it's lust, but who does the will of God will abide forever. (1 John 2:15-17)
This whole post could be written straight from the Word of God, it is quite clear and there is no mincing of words. But, I am going to break it down for you, as it is broken down for me.
Sometimes, we have a tendency to take a verse from the Bible and use it for our purpose. We try to make it fit for our circumstance or our state of mind. It is for the food for our souls. For nourishment for our souls, we must apply the Word in whole, not in part. Even our natural bodies can not be sustained on sugar alone; we must also eat our veggies. Do you hear what I am saying?
My sisters, if we are sisters in Christ, we must stop making excuses!
We belong to Christ. We were redeemed with a price. We are eternal souls. We must decide if we are to live eternally in life or death. The choices we make today will decide our tomorrow.
Do you need me to break it down more?
Get out of that man's bed!
You do not need a man to validate you when it was Jesus who justified you. Do you not know who you are and who you belong to? Have you forgotten? Do you not know who watches over you, sings over you, dances around you, cares for you, provides for you and will never leave you?
It is not that man you open your legs for! It is He who created you, called you, died for you and rose again so that you can be called daughter of God.
This is not easy to swallow, medicine never is. But, if you allow Him, He will deliver you heal you.
You carry hurts. These hurts have distorted your vision. It does not allow you to see yourself as the precious treasure that you are. It has effected your self esteem and your self image.
How many relationships must you go through and how many heartaches must you endure before you realize that you are His beloved and you are called to come up higher? Let Him wash you clean. Ask for and receive His forgiveness and then walk in His truth.
Jesus told the woman to go get her husband. She said she had no husband. He said she was right, for she had many and the one she was with is not her husband. (see John 4:16-18)
When you lay with a man you make a covenant with him. You have been in the world too long and that is why you do not see this. You mistake lust for love. A covenant is not to be broken. Only death can break that covenant. Yet, you have been tricked into making covenant with one man after another and with each breech, you walk away with less of yourself.
God desire you to be whole. Even now.
Precious one, give it to Jesus. Turn back to Him, for He is the true Lover. I know it is hard to be alone. I know it can be lonely. But, you will see, if you will consecrate yourself to Him, He will heal you and He will bring the right man, at the right time, into your life and he will not defile you. He will become one with you, before God. In this is a blessing and He will honor your relationship.
I love you, but He loves you even more. His mercies are new every morning. Let this be a new day for you.
Assignment: Break all ties with men that you have given yourself to. Recommit yourself to Jesus.
Prayer: I confess my sexual relations outside of marriage as sin. Father, I ask for and receive your forgiveness. Protect me from temptations and traps. Renew my heart and spirit. Thank You for Your love and mercies. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit so I can have power to resist the temptations of my flesh and conform me into the image of Your Son. It is in His name, the name of Jesus, I pray.
I bet when you read the title to this post you thought it was going to be about a man who was blatantly dangerous, with a wicked temper and is violent? Of course, a man like that is dangerous, but I am referring to a more dangerous man; the sweet Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Wonderful comes in and sweeps you off your feet. He is fine; eye candy for you. His words are smooth and he has taken such an interest in you. He is charming. He is hard working, so fun, funny, confident, sexy, cares for the people in his life (you know this because he has told you) and he says he has fallen in love with you. You can hardly believe it. You feel wonderful when you are with him. You feel beautiful, desired and validated. You open yourself up to him. You have given him your trust and your heart. He doesn't want to be without you. You find yourself spending all of your free time together and when you aren't together you are constantly texting each other and calling each other. He has become number one in your life. You find yourself not minding when you change your plans to be with him. You even begin to stop seeing your friends and family to be with him. You begin to stop doing the things that you once enjoyed, this is your sacrifice to your relationship and you do it willingly. Suddenly you become a different person. You are no longer you and the people who know you do not even recognize you anymore. You may even feel a sting of offense when your friends suggest that something is not quite right here. You wish your friends could see how wonderful he is, but they haven't been able to meet him, because he has such plans for you, there is never an opportune time for them to meet him. As your relationship progresses, your communications with your friends and family become almost non-existent. You do miss them and when you voice this to Mr Wonderful he says that "They should understand that you are in a relationship now." What he says does make sense, a little, but still... You begin to see red flags, but you quickly dismiss them, because you hold onto the way he made you feel. You don't seem to see that what you thought you had is no longer there. You dismiss the warning signs. After all, he is just busy, he is tired, he fell asleep early and didn't hear the phone ring, he can't go out with you because he has things to do... You begin to feel insecure in the relationship. You don't want to believe the worse, but still you can't shake the foreboding. You ask him if everything is OK, he is quite offended that you just don't understand him. You try to talk, but he talks louder and seems to have more to say. You look at him and you do not see the man that you thought he was. He is a stranger to you now. But, the sex is great. Oh, the way he holds you makes you feel so good. He looks at you and tells you he loves you and you believe him, because you want to. After a while, the sex is not even that good anymore. What you once thought was making love is now leaving you feel empty. You have reached the point where you are no longer thinking clearly. You are ashamed because you thought you were better than this. Your thoughts have become obsessed, because rather than face reality, you cling to the fantasy of who you wanted him to be. You wish you were stronger so that you could walk away, you wish things could go back to the way they were. You question where you went wrong, but you know deep inside the problem with him is not you. My dear, sweet, sister, does this sound familiar? Are you in a relationship like this now? Are you just coming out of a relationship like this? Are you still wounded from Mr Wonderful? Are you still holding onto something that you know you should let go of? Mr. Wonderful is a dangerous man. He is poison to you. Let him go! I know this easier said than done. Trust me, my sister, I know the feelings of a broken heart. But, it can be done, you can walk away, you can heal and the pieces of your heart can be put back together. The journey to healing may be painful, but in the end it will be worth it. You are worth it. There are steps you must take to this healing and I encourage you to determine in your heart that you will do this. I also encourage you to surround yourself with people who care about you to help you through this. Friends that you can turn to when you have those moments of weakness that will not judge you, but will love you through the storm of emotions. First things first:
Throw away all of the reminders. Go through your house and collect all of his things, every love note, picture, card, gift, clothes, everything and throw it in a box and then throw it away. You must rid yourself of everything that will remind you of him in the future.
Delete all of his text and emails. Delete his phone number. Block his number so that he can not contact you, EVER.
Tell your friends that it is over and you do not want them to ever mention his name
Do NOT, and I repeat, do NOT contact him. You, for sure, will have moments that you want to hear his voice, because at first he is still on that imaginary pedestal, RESIST the temptation. You do not need to contact him to tell him you will no longer be contacting him, trust me, he will figure it out. You do not need to tell him to never contact you again, because you have already blocked him.
Next:
Surround yourself with people who care about you
Do the things that you once enjoyed
Begin a new hobby
Get outside!
Don't:
Numb your pain with alcohol or drugs or any other unhealthy behavior
Watch "chic flicks"
Listen to mainstream love songs
Date. Give yourself time to heal
Dwell on thoughts of him
Do:
Get rest
Eat healthy
Exercise, it releases the endorphins that will help you to feel better
Develop back up thoughts to think about when he enters your mind
Remind yourself that you are worth so much more
You will get through this. Trust me. Do not try to go it alone. MOST IMPORTANT: Turn to Jesus, my friend. He cares for you. He understands. Do not be afraid to take this to Him. Beloved, Mr Wonderful was not the only one to blame, you also partook of things that as a daughter of a King you should not have. Sexual relations with this man has caused a soul tie and it must be broken. How do we break a soul tie? First, we have to admit that there is one. I know our culture is OK with sex outside of marriage. This way of thinking, sadly, is even in the church. We rationalize that when two people love each other and are committed to each other and are in an exclusive relationship, then "making love" is OK. Beloved, there is a reason why this is not OK in the sight of the Lord. It is for our protection. No matter how we sugar coat it, sex outside of marriage is fornication and fornicators do not inherit eternal life. If you have had sex with this man, go to God, who is faithful and just to forgive us and confess it as sin. Then leave it there. Beloved, He wants your healing more than you do. He alone is the one who can heal you and His healing is complete. There is no wholeness without the healing of our Savior. Spend time in His presence. Isn't it odd that when we meet someone and fall in love that we find it so easy to spend all of our time with him? When we aren't with him physically, then we are with him emotionally and in our thoughts. Should we offer anything less to the One who loves us most? If we claim to love Jesus, then we must surrender our hearts and our bodies to Him. His love never fails. Psalm 91 says "He (she) that dwells in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress; my God; in Him will I trust." I am not suggesting that this will be easy. But I am saying, that when you have come through this, you will be stronger; if your strength is in Jesus. Do not look at your experience with Mr. Wonderful as a waste. Though it would have been better if you had not had to go through that, but you did. So look at it as a learning experience and you are better for it. Prayer: Jesus, thank you for your unfailing love and your help in our time of need. Thank you for your healing and your forgiveness. I consecrate myself to you and I ask that you search those secret places in me and shine your light of truth. Heal me and create in me a new heart and renew my spirit. Shield me from the enemy. Thank you, Jesus, for all that you have done and all that you continue to do. I trust you to heal me.
My lover is so jealous for me. He wants to be number one! He wants to come before everyone and everything. His passion and compassion is beyond measure! He cares for all of my cares. He takes such good care of me and my daughters. He is an excellent provider. When I cry, He holds me. When I laugh, He laughs with me. He sings over me and dances around me. I trust Him completely. He never says no out of selfishness, He says no or not now because He wants me to have His best. When He says yes, no one can stop it. When others bless me, He blesses them. When an enemy tries to come close, he stops them in their tracks. When I am lonely and say "when", He says be still. When my mind is tempted to "go there" He reminds me to sing instead. When my pillows are wet from tears, he wakes me with a new song and a new day. When everyone else says that is impossible, he reminds that with Him all things are possible. When someone feels so inclined to remind me why I am not qualified, He reminds me why I am. When you have encountered this kind of love, this kind of lover of your soul, you can never turn back. You can never settle for anything or anyone who is less than what His best is for you. Be blessed and meditate on His great love for you as you listen to this. He is my lover, He is your lover, His love is big. His arms stretched wide enough to embrace all of us and yet, somehow, we can all feel like His favorite. http://youtu.be/JoC1ec-lYps
Sometimes going through life changes can be scary. When we enter different seasons of our lives, it is symbolic that the current season is about to end. I wonder how often we hold onto things we should let go of because we are familiar with it. It is the known. Should we hold onto something that is no longer positively serving us just because we are afraid of what we do not know.
I have been blessed to be a dreamer. Yes, I said blessed. My mother calls me her gypsy daughter; always moving onto the next thing. It is sometimes hard for people to fully understand a dreamer. Truth be told, I don't think a dreamer even understands themselves. Speaking for just myself, I have always believed that I was created for a purpose. I also submit that we are all created for a purpose. With each move and change, it takes me closer to what I was created for.
Now I am not saying that I have not made any detours or gotten off that path. Yes, I have made some foolish mistakes. I can't even say they were all mistakes, some bad decisions I made knowing full well that is was a bad decision and not Gods best for me. Yet, I did. But the great news is that God is merciful and forgiving and even in those moments, God can turn it all around.
When God has a plan, nothing will stop it.
Through my trials and set backs I have grown. If I had not experienced what I experienced I would not be here today. From my position, I am able to realize a great need for others in my position.
Imagine this...
You are going through a dark corridor. There is a burning fire behind you, the air is filled with smoke, you can not see and it is hard to even breath. You feel the walls pressing in from all around you. You can hear the cries of the people behind you. Yet, ahead you hear a voice saying "keep walking, keep walking straight ahead, here take my hand and I will lead you out of here." The voice you hear is calm amidst all of the chaos behind you. What will you do? Close your eyes and imagine this for a minute. remember, you can see nothing, it is dark. You can feel that panic wanting to rise up in your belly. People behind you are screaming, crying. You don't know which way is left or right. Yet, there is this calm voice saying here take my hand.
I don't think it is rocket science to know to take that hand and trust that hand to lead you to safety. Yet many of us are stuck in that chaotic circle, afraid to take that hand because you are not sure where that person will lead you. Yea, sure the fire is behind you and yes, it is a little difficult to breathe, but you are thinking maybe you can find your own way out. Let me be that bright warning sign to you. you know the one flashing that says "do not take this door that you have taken before because it is going to lead you right back here."
My friend, do not be afraid of change. Change is not always easy, but it is necessary for growth.
Have you heard the saying God helps those who help themselves? That is not true and it certainly is not Biblical. The truth is, you can not help yourself. You are in the need of a Savior. Only those who walk by faith will reach the promise land.
What are you going through right now? Is it a failed relationship? Loss of a job? Death of a dream? Financial instability? Empty nest? Loneliness? Whatever it is, I encourage you to take he hand of that still calm voice. You know the voice, the voice of the Spirit. Let go of what you are holding onto. You can not step into the future if you keep one foot in the past. You can not grasp the fullness of what you were created for if you hold onto your own man made vision. A God given vision will come to pass. I promise you. He promises you. The good work that is started in you, He is faithful to see it through.
Let go and walk in obedience and faith. Take His hand and He will lead you through. Even if you have to crawl for awhile, He will lead you through. When you have come through you can reach your hand back and take the hand of another and lead them through.
Romans 8: 18 says "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."
Do not be afraid. Before you is a door. I will paraphrase revelation 3:7, 'He opens doors that no one can shut, and He shuts doors that no one can open.' When the Spirit of the Lord say now is the time, step forward boldly, because even if you can't see it with your natural eye at this present time, have faith you will come forth as gold, refined by fire.
Let your light continue to shine.
Assignment: Write down your vision, your dream. You know the one, the one God gave you. You may have put it away, it is time to take it off the shelf and dust it off.
Prayer & Meditation: Dear Jesus, what I took from Your hand, I place back into Your hands. Thank You for the vision and calling You have given to me. Because You have given this to me, I trust that You will bring it to fruition. Strengthen me, holy Spirit, guide me in all of my ways. I choose not to look to the left, or to the right, but to You, my Redeemer.
