So...You Want True Intimacy?

God has created sex between a husband and wife to be pleasurable. To be an act of worship and submission to one another. This is an adoration that is pleasing to God. This is a deep recognition of the gift that God has placed before you, the gift of a lifetime love and lover.

There is a time and a season for all things.

Courtship is ministry to the heart. If God is the center of your relationship, this will be a time when your heart can safely open without fear. This is a time to establish trust and friendship with the one that could possibly be your spouse. This is when the foundation is laid. Without this foundation, when the storms come your house will be destroyed if all you have based your affections on is the lusty desires and immediate, but temporary, satisfactions.

Intercourse causes soul ties. This is why you are tore apart after a break-up when you have been physically intimate with someone outside of marriage, because you have given that special gift away to someone who has not made the commitment to love you forever and to forsake all others.

Sex outside of marriage leads to distrust. Can you truly trust someone who has given themselves to you? If that person claims to love you, yet will not wait until marriage, can you truly trust them to have the self control and integrity it will take to maintain a marriage when adversity comes?

The value and integrity of marriage has been compromised in our society. You see it in the movies, hear it in music lyrics, read it in print, and yes.... you may even see it in the church.

The truth of the matter is this; God did not create us to be alone. He created us for fellowship and relationships, first to Him and then to our spouse. This is why woman was created. In all of His beautiful creation, and He saw that is was good, He knew that man can not be alone. We were created in His image and He is a God of intimate relationship.

He created woman from the rib of man, flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone, so that we can truly be one. This does not mean that woman is below man, or even to be above man, but we are to be his helpmate. We have been created with intentional purpose.

Have you ever put something together and afterwards found that you have extra screws left? Yes? Assuming all of the tools and parts needed were there, nothing more, nothing less, and you are left with some extra screws in your hand, you can know that somewhere something is missing. Sure, you may have put whatever it is together, but it is not going to be sturdy or as strong as it could have been had everything been in place. This is the same in marriage. Can we truly reach our fullest potential if we are not rightly joined?

We make excuses. We deceive ourselves. We say, "but we love each other so what does it matter?" or "We are friends with benefits and this will not hurt me." My dear sister, it does matter and it will hurt you. It will destroy you.

After the newness of the relationship, after you have given him all that you have, when the relationship ends, he will take a piece of you with him. He will move onto someone else, you will move onto someone else and the cycle will continue. Before you realize it, you will find that you have given so many pieces of yourself away to others, that when you do meet that someone that is suppose to be your forever someone, you will have nothing left to give him. Chances are, you will not even recognize him or appreciate him, because you will be so scarred and blinded by your past, that your past will destroy your future.

You will not recognize him because he will not speak the same language as the men of your past. He will not offer to tarnish you with his touch that he is withholding for his wife. Because you have let other men "validate" you through sex, only to tear you down, you will not recognize the true intimacy that he offers. You will feel uncomfortable with it. Because he will not stroke your sexual ego. He will tell you that you are beautiful, but you won't be able to hear it, because when other men have said that to you, they were looking only at your outward appearance. This man will acknowledge  your physical beauty, but he will recognize and desire the true beauty that does not come from the outward appearance.

This man will want your heart and to give you his. But, such a gift can not be cradled with dirty hands.

I say this not to condemn you or to destroy hope. I say this so that we, as women, can really take an inventory and know where we are lacking. To know our motives and our desires. To fully understand our callings and learn what we must do to walk in the integrity that our calling and our namesake demands.

If you have been and/or are in a relationship where you have compromised, recognize it for what it is. Sin. You cannot sugar coat it or excuse it, it is what it is. It is death.

I encourage you, get your heart right with God. Submit yourself to Him and let Him complete the work that He has begun in you. This is the only way you will ever be able to experience the true intimacy that He desires you to have.

When you have done this, set yourself apart for God (not from God) and allowed Him to heal you, then when that righteous man enters your life, you will recognize him and he will give you his heart and be worthy to receive yours.


If you want true intimacy, then I submit to you... abstain from physical intimacy.

"...do not awaken love until the time is right." Song of Solomon 2:7