It is about faith in the perfection of His love and learning to rest your weakness in His strength. It's about resisting the impulse to flail your arms to grasp what is closest to keep you from the exhilarating fall and letting go of everything that you have made an idol. You will never be complete when you cling to your self-made safety net, because that net becomes a hard shell that will block revelation. It will cover your spiritual ears and restrict you from hearing His whisper that says, "Let go, I have you."
I went to the well to draw water. I always go in the afternoon; because in my shame, I don't want to go when the other women are there. They mock me. Even in their silence I can feel their scorn and judgment. Do they really think I chose this kind of life?
They don't know, or understand, where I have been. They do not know that I would have given anything for their life; in fact, I have, I gave everything. Now I am just empty, depleted, and left with nothing more to give. Everything has been taken, stolen. I reach my hand out, only to be pushed away. I open my arms, only to be shunned. I give my heart and my body, only to be rejected.
I don't want to see anyone, or face anyone, because if they look in my eyes they may see me. If they look in my face they will see my shame, regret, anger, fear, sadness, despair, hopelessness and dirt. Yes, their judgment may be correct, but it still hurts.
There is a Man there. He is sitting quietly and peacefully. I can't say that He is particularly attractive, but there is something about Him that I am drawn to. He has something different.
He ask me to give Him a drink. Why would He ask me? There are better women than me. He must not know me. I am not one of His kind. If He knew who I was He would not even acknowledge me. He would see me like everyone else does and He would be right in doing so. "Why do you ask me for a drink?" I ask Him.
He looks right in me and tells me if I knew the gift of God, and who He was, I would ask Him for a drink and He would give me living water. I don't understand, but I feel there is truth in what He said. I want to ask Him to give me that water, but I am afraid. If I talk I will expose myself and He will leave, just like everyone else.
But, there is something about Him. It is as if He see's me, I mean really see's me; yet He is still there. He makes no move to leave. He is offering me something and He is waiting for me to ask. I hesitate and try to change the subject. I feel naked, as if He can see in me, through me. I feel naked, but not ashamed.
He is not moved. He is not offended. He is patient. He speaks of a fountain of water that gives everlasting life. I want it! I want to feel alive. I want to breathe.
My heart sinks when He tells me to go call my husband to come. I can say nothing but that I have no husband. He smiles. "You have spoken well," He said. Then He began to tell me about me. I feel warmth and love in His words and His voice. He is bathing me in a warm shower of His love. I feel the burden lifted off my shoulders. I feel the mire of shame, regret, filth and sin fall off me.
I tell Him it is as if God Himself were speaking to me, because only God could know such things, secret things.
With His eyes He smiles again and says, "I who speak to you am He."
God revealed Himself to me. He took time to speak to me, touch me and He didn't cringe, He wasn't disgusted or disappointed. He was there for me. Waiting for me.
I cannot contain the joy I am feeling. This is the first time I felt clean, free. I have to tell someone. I have to tell everyone. God came down and He spoke with me. He knew me and loved me anyway. He wrapped His love around me. He removed my shame and filth and replaced it with love and acceptance.
Now, I know He is God and He is no respecter of persons. But, I have to say, that moment, that time with Him, I felt like I was all that mattered to Him. I felt loved.
John 4:7-29
Be Free & Stay Free
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